Communication
In this section, you will learn how to effectively demonstrate positive communication techniques.
The learning objectives for this section are as follows:
- Describe your personal approaches for communicating with your children.
- Describe ways to improve your methods for communicating with your children.
- Identify important considerations when discussing difficult topics with your children.
Introduction
Introduction
Communicating with your child can be challenging, especially when you have emotional and physical challenges.
Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it.
Select the Play Button to review Matt and Crystal talking about emotional challenges in the home.
Reintegration
Reintegration
Communication is the key to successful relationships.
Positive communication with your child will help them develop confidence, self-esteem, and healthy relationships.
Select the Play Button to watch Matt and his family talk about communication challenges.
Select the Learn More Button for more information on reintegrating with your family.
Recognize Invitations from Your Child
At first, it may not be easy to reconnect with your child. To help in this process, try looking for signs that your child might be inviting you into their world.
Select your child's age group to review a short scenario. Choose the option that best reflects how you might respond in a similar situation.
0-1
1-3
3-6
6-12
12-18
0-1
Scenario: You are left home alone with the baby while your partner goes to the store. The baby is fed, clean, and is playing with his toys close enough for you to watch him. While you are trying to read your paper, he starts to bang on his blocks and is looking over at you. What should you do?
Get Involved
A simple way to reconnect is to find ways to integrate yourself into your child's daily life.
Select your child's age group, and then use the arrows to see some examples of daily routines you can get involved in throughout the day.
Feedings are a great time to connect with your infant. Pick a time that fits in your schedule to share this special time with your baby.
Though changing diapers has gotten a bad rap, it can be a fun time to share with your infant. Talk to your baby, make funny faces or give them a tickle!
Perhaps at different times during the day, take primary responsibility for caring for your child. Spending time with your infant will help you become a more confident parent.
Your baby can join you just about wherever you go. While driving, talk to him or sing him a song. Your voice will become connected with positive, happy feelings.
Have fun! Read, sing, or rock your baby to sleep. They will connect your voice and smell with a sense of safety.
Invite your toddler to help you make meals or set the table by giving them simple tasks. During meals, talk about your day and ask your toddler questions about their day.
Mornings can be hectic, but find ways to get involved in your toddler's morning routine. You don't have to do everything – pick one or two tasks to help them with every day.
Toddlers need someone to watch them all the time. Volunteer for a certain “shift” and be the primary parent during this time. They will quickly come to depend on you.
Help out with taking your toddler to day care or doctor's appointments. Try to set a specific schedule so your toddler will always know when they will be with you.
Playtime can be learning time, and it's also a great way to get to know your toddler again. During your playtime, you can practice counting, physical skills, and even begin to teach sportsmanship.
Bedtime is a great time to get involved in your child's routine. If you can, chose one or two tasks to always do with your toddler every night – you can brush teeth together!
Mealtime is a great time to get involved with your preschooler. If you're not chief cook, take the job of playing with them while your spouse prepares meals. Sit together for your meal as often as you can.
Morning time can provide many opportunities to connect with your preschooler. Find out how the family typically manages in the morning, and start helping with various tasks.
Preschoolers still need lots of supervision during the day. Schedule a certain time to spend with your child. Take them places and do fun things together whenever you can.
Driving around with your preschooler, especially if it's just the two of you, provides plenty of time to get to know each other again. Talk to them, practice counting or sing the alphabet song.
Even when they play, small children learn all the time, especially at this age. Find some activity you both enjoy, and create a tradition of always playing that game together.
Preschoolers can start to do some bedtime tasks on their own, but still need lots of supervision. Take care of all the required tasks, and don't forget the most important task of all – reading a book or cuddling.
Mealtimes tend to get more and more hectic as children start participating in activities. But wherever you eat, talk together about your day and listen to your child's concerns and ideas.
Take a few minutes to make sure your older child has their books, supplies, homework, lunch, and projects. You can learn a lot about what's going on with your child by going through their backpack together!
Your school-age child is probably going all the time. Set a schedule and always be the parent to take them to at least one place, say soccer or school. The routine will help your child know what to expect from you.
Find ways of involving yourself in your child's school life. Go meet their teachers. Be a homeroom parent. Go to their play. The more connected you are to their school, the more connected you'll be to your child.
Participate in their interests by making time to go to a practice, helping them practice at home, and going to games or recitals. Let them know they are doing well and that you are proud of their hard work.
At this age, your child is getting more and more homework. You might not know it all, but helping with homework is a great time to get involved in your child's life.
You may rarely see your teen, but make a tradition of having some meals together. Meals can be a relaxing time to get to know your teen again.
Teens can usually get ready for school on their own, but it never hurts to check. Asking if they have their homework or still packing their lunch are little ways you show your love and care.
Your teen may be driving already, but still volunteer to give them a ride when you can. This time together will give you a chance to talk and hear what is going on with them.
Some teenagers are involved in tons of activities. Whatever they may have going on, make a commitment to attend. When you make time for what matters to them, they know that you care.
Sit down with your teen and help them through tough problems, or just listen to them rant about school. Your support is what matters most.
Your teen obviously doesn't need help with their bedtime routines, but you can stop in and check on them, stay for a chat, or just wish them a goodnight. .
Work Together on Long-term Projects
When you and your child plan and pursue a long-term project, you are reinforcing your connection with them.
Select Each Image for ideas on long-term activities you can try with your child.
Planting a Garden
Household Project
Planning for Adulthood
Making Crafts
Learning a New Sport
Working on a Car
Planting a Garden
From toddlers to teens, planting and working on a home garden can be a great experience to share. Your child may enjoy:
- Working with their hands.
- Learning about different types of plants.
- Getting to spend time outside.
- Getting to use special tools.
- Seeing their hard work come to life.
- Spending quality time with you.
Household Project
Taking on household projects together can be a great opportunity to spend time with your child while teaching them skills they will need and taking pride in their home. There is usually always something that needs to be done around the house. Children from toddlers to teens can help with various age-appropriate tasks on projects like:
- Working with their hands.
- Cleaning out a room or the garage.
- Painting inside and out.
- Refinishing wood furniture.
- Updating a bathroom or kitchen.
- Changing out fixtures.
Planning for Adulthood
A project most appropriate for teens, planning for life after high school, can take time and energy. Whether your teen is planning to go to college or is still searching for what they want to do, they will need your support and guidance. This project can help build your relationship through mutual trust, respect, and understanding. Some activities might include: filling out forms, visiting different schools, looking for job shadowing opportunities and internships, and being a good listener.
Making Crafts
Making crafts can be fun for little and big kids as long as you keep the project age-appropriate. Some ideas include:
- Building blocks to model cars: Preschoolers to teens might enjoy projects building model cars, birdhouses, Lego sets, and even painting figurines.
- Making personalized gifts and decorations: Making special holiday or birthday presents for friends and family can be fun and memorable.
- Creating scrapbooks and albums: Creating memory books can help you and your child connect.
- Sewing: School-aged children and teens might enjoy learning more skilled crafts like sewing, quilting, and stitching.
Learning a New Sport
Learning a new sport can take time and practice at any age. Even if you are unable to participate in the sport, you can share in the activity by observing them practice, coaching and encouraging them as they learn, and talking to them about this special interest.
Working on a Car
This project is best for teens and children that are starting to grow out of the “little kid” stage. It can cover many areas dealing with the car. It doesn’t always have to mean rebuilding a car. Teaching your child some basic car maintenance and knowledge can be a great project to share. Allowing your child to share in age-appropriate tasks shows you recognize they are getting older and more responsible.
Positive Communication
Positive Communication
In order to begin practicing positive communications, you must understand the steps in the process:
- Step 1: Know your communication style.
- Step 2: Devise ways to manage your stress levels.
- Step 3: Set appropriate expectations for your child(ren), based on their age.
Select the Learn More Button to review each step in detail.
Step 1: Know Your Communication Style
Some parts of the military communication style express important values, such as respect, pride and manners. Others, however, may not be as helpful at home. Are you still using a military communication style at home? Take a short survey to find out.
Your communications style appears to lean towards Home Front Communication.
Your communications style appears to lean towards Military Communication.
Step 2: Devise ways to manage your stress levels
If you are experiencing distress, it may be difficult to be patient with and pay attention to your child. Self-care and stress reduction strategies can help you have more energy for parenting.
Physical activity, whether it is working out or going for a walk, can help clear your mind, calm you down, and help you feel better.
Take time for the things you enjoy. Schedule time to enjoy a hobby or work on something that brings you joy.
Schedule some relaxation time. Though your schedule might be full, try and add just five minutes a day of quiet time to reflect, relax, meditate, or pray.
Socialize with other adults. Making time to socialize with friends, family, and peers is also important for your personal health.
Step 3: Set appropriate expectations for your child(ren), based on their age
As your child grows and changes, you may need to get a sense of their new capabilities, skills, and emotions.
Play the True or False game to test your knowledge about children's developmental stages.
Communication Strategies
Communication Strategies
Here are a few communication strategies you can use at home that can lead to positive interactions with your child:
- Active Listening
- Expressing your love
- Giving positive reinforcement
- Supporting your child
Select the Play Button to hear how Edwin learned to communicate with each of his daughters upon returning home, based on their age and individual personality.
Select the Learn More Button to review each strategy in detail.
Active Listening
It's easier for your child to talk to you when they have your complete and undivided attention.
Active listening involves fully concentrating on what is being said, rather than just passively hearing the message of the speaker, using all of the senses (i.e. sight, hearing, touch). There are 3 elements that may hinder active listening:
- Your body language
- External distractions
- Internal distractions
Select each of the Three Items to learn more.
Select each element to learn what may make a child feel that their parent isn't listening.
Your Body Language
Expressing Your Love
Everyone expresses love differently. The key is making your child feel that they are very important to you.
The following video suggests strategies for how to express your love.
Select the Play Button to begin.
Giving Positive Reinforcement
Celebrating the positive things your child does will help them stay positive and encourage them to talk with you about their activities.
Select each of the two audio buttons to listen to two parents talk about the strategies they used to provide their child with positive reinforcement.
Apply the 5 to 1 Rule
Give Age-appropriate Choices
Supporting Your Child
Although supporting your child is always important, your child will particularly need your help when they have a setback or problem. If you can provide comfort and guidance without judgment, your child will be more likely to learn how to successfully navigate life experiences.
Select the Play Button to watch as Matt discusses how he helps his children with life planning.
Difficult Conversations
Difficult Conversations
Another important part of positive parent-child communications is to talk openly about difficult topics.
Before you can have the difficult conversations, you have to know and understand your communication style.
Select the Play Button to observe how Edwin and his wife complement each other with their communication styles.
Select the Learn More Button to review useful strategies for talking with your children about difficult topics.
Don't Ignore the "Elephant" in the Room
Children are naturally curious. If you have been through a deployment or are having difficulty at home, your child will ask questions to make sense of what is going on now or what may have happened in the past.
Select the Play Button to watch Edwin's daughters talk about why it's important for them to ask about and understand their dad's deployment experiences.
Anticipating Really Hard Questions
Often your child's questions will be based on their own understanding about the topic. You should anticipate getting some very hard questions.
Here are some examples of questions you may be asked.
Where did you go?
How has your job affected you?
I don't agree with your job. Why are you still doing it?
Why did you go away?
What was the most stressful part of your trip?
Are you going away again?
How could you mess up my life like this?
Was is worth it?
If you love me so much, why did you leave?
Identify What Your Child Really Wants to Know
Based on the age of your child, their questions may not always convey what they're really worried about.
Use the Arrow Buttons to go through each child's questions about your military experience. Can you figure out what they are really asking?
Communication Strategy
Once you have a basic understanding about what your child wants to know, there is a strategy you can follow to help guide your conversation.
When you are ready for your child’s questions:
- Acknowledge and respect your child’s curiosity or concern.
- Find out what they know about the topic.
If you are struggling emotionally or having a hard time talking about your experiences:
- Ask your child to share their questions or concerns with other supportive adults or older siblings.
- Talk with your child’s other parent about what to say and decide together how much information you want to share with the child.
- Be sure to correct any misinformation or misinterpretations your child may have.
Creating A Parenting Plan
While you were away, roles and responsibilities may have changed within your family to keep things going. Talking with your child's other parent will help you figure out a plan to ease back into your parenting role.
Review the instructions, then complete the activity by selecting each picture and choosing any option . Once done, print your parenting plan.
Instructions
Select each of the images to review common concerns. Use the check box to select any of the ideas you would like to discuss with your child's other parent.
Use the print button to print your selection.
Summary and Conclusion
Engaging in positive communication strategies with your child(ren) is a process and will take some time. You can expect some bumps in the road, as well as great joy, in having a close relationship with your child again.
The key is to make the effort to improve communications within your home and help your family stay strong together.
Feel free to download and use these Tip Sheets as you continue to reconnect with your family.